


As You Wish

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:47:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe in which young Lord Daniel Howell falls for his butler, Philip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Wish

Lord Howell, my Daniel, my love, is ill. He’s frail and his memory is going. I have been taking care of him for more than forty years. I do everything for him and he never says, “Thank you, Philip” like he used to. Some days he cannot remember who I am or even who he is. He struggles to find the name, gives up and takes out his frustrations on me. I do not take his words to heart because I remember the days when not only did he know my name, he would shout it in love, happiness and pleasure. I remember those days well.

We were young. We were both deserted and abandoned. We were in love.

One night, I tiptoed into the study to make sure he left for bed. There were some days when he was down and solemn. His melancholy only noticeable to me, as I am the only one who has ever seen any other emotion appear on his face. Some days there was a light behind those amber eyes and an upturn tilt on his rose color lips which disappeared the moment I addressed him. Those were the early days.

I had been in his employee since the age of sixteen, when he was twenty. His father had died leaving him the large manor and a title he was not yet ready to take. Lord Howell, the former, was much like his son. He never smiled either. He kept the windows of his suite locked and boarded up, ridding the east facing rooms of sunlight in the morn. They say he had been that way since his wife died during childbirth. Daniel, the weak infant, grew to be a handsome but wretched young man. His father had sent him away, to boarding schools all over Europe to free himself of her memory. Her portrait hangs in the library but she is covered by a curtain. Her son does not wish to see her either.

When Daniel returned to the manor after his father’s passing, the boards remained on the windows. Nothing changed. The first time I had seen him, he was stepping out of his carriage. He looked me dead in the eye and a chill ran down my spine. There was a kind of dread in his eyes, marked by the scowl on his face. He stepped inside the manor and I did not see him again for a month. One morning he called for me and since then I have been his butler.

***

After about three years of indifference and his seemingly arbitrary departures every summer, something changed in him. One June morning, I saw his smile for the first time.

I woke him at seven like I did every morning. Every morning he said, “I would like my tea now, Philip.” Nothing was different until I gave him a reply. I rarely said anything to him, only answering when absolutely necessary. I still haven’t the slightest idea what caused me to answer the way I did.

I answered, “As you wish.”

He smiled slightly. This happened for several mornings afterward. I would answer and he would smile.

On a particularly cold day for mid-Summer, as he left his bed, he grabbed my hand as I helped him out of bed and onto his feet. He towered only a few inches above me but I felt dwarfed by him. He did not let go of my hand until I coughed, signaling him to do so. He blushed a barely noticeable tint of red, then let me go. I rang the bell for the girl in the kitchen to bring his tea and breakfast. He said he would rather I stayed with him.

That fall, he decided to leave the solitude of his room.

“I would like to wear the black coat today, Philip.”

“As you wish, sir.”

I fetched the coat for him as he laced up his boots and waited for me to return. I threw it onto his shoulders, unnecessarily assisting him with the simple task. I loved being close to him and I could tell he did too. I fumbled with his buttons, taking the clasp closest to his neck and standing on my toes to reach him comfortably. I finally get the button through the hole and he chuckled lightly at all my efforts.

“Thank you, Philip.”

Later in the day, he wanted to walk around the gardens and he asked me to keep him company. He did not say a word to me the entire time. We walked into the gated garden, the one with the high stone wall, kept shut with a lock and key.

He took my hand and I assumed it was to ensure I would not fall. But when I found my footing, his hand did not fall from mine. He only held it tighter.

There was a bench right in the center, surrounded by white roses and flowers called Empress of India. He pulled me onto the bench to sit right next to me. He finally spoke after a few minutes.

“Do you like it here, Philip?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.”

His hands still held mine for the next few hours as we wandered the garden. We talked about simple things like the weather or the animals we both grew fond of that were born just last spring.

“They say they fell in love here, Philip. My father walk her through the labyrinth of the pathway, picking flowers for her. She was beautiful they say. I wish I had known her.”

“My lord, her portrait hangs in your library—“

“If I look at her, it means she is truly gone. She can never move from that spot on the wall, never aging, never smiling and that scares me, Philip. I would rather walk through her gardens. I can feel her here.”

“I can too,” I told him truthfully. I did feel her there when he smiled and his newfound affection surrounded me in warmth.

“I would like to see the gardens in the morning,” he said.

“As you wish, sir.”

I told the groundskeeper to remove the boards from the windows. His room lit up and I could feel the heat of the sun pour in despite the autumn chill. I could feel him behind me and I knew he was smiling without looking at him. Before I turned around to appreciate it, the girl named Mary came in with his supper. His smile was lost.

He dismissed her quickly, quite rudely I admit, then shut the door. I took my seat at the small table by the window and talked softly with him as he ate and looked out to the fields and pastures surrounding his estate. His smile rose once more and he said, “Thank you, Philip.”

That winter, on a clear night around eight o’clock, the bell rang in my room from the main bedroom. As I walked through the dark corridor, lamp in hand, I heard, “Fetch me a glass of water, Philip.” This was routine.

“As you wish, sir.”

When I returned from the kitchen with the water he said, “I would like a book to read, Philip.”

“As you wish, sir.”

He liked to read before bed and sometimes he asked me to read to him when his eyes were heavy and aching from crying. Those were the nights when it was hard to keep myself from joining him. I would take the leather bound pages and read off the words in a soft calming voice to soothe us both.

It was the dead of winter and positively freezing throughout the manor. His room was warm and his eyes did not ache. He was smiling when I returned with literature in hand.

“Can you bring in another bed dressing? This one isn’t enough to keep warm, Philip.”

“As you wish, sir.”

I went into the linen cupboard and came back not shortly after to change the bedclothes. He grinned when I finished, the soft candlelight illuminating the whites of his eyes and the pleasantness in them. I am sure I was the first person to see him that way.

He started to undress, like he always did, taking off his dressing robe and sliding between the sheets. The fire in the mantel shone dimly but it kept the room warm and comfortable.

“I would like it if you stayed here, Philip.”

“As you wish, sir.”

“Call me Daniel. When we are alone, I would like you to call me Daniel.”

“Yes, s– Daniel. Daniel.”

I took my place in the arm chair by his bed, the red Victorian style one that they said belonged to his mother. He whispers, “Have you ever been unhappy, Philip?”

“Yes, but I suppose everyone has been.”

“I would like to be happy. I would like to be happy for more than a few moments.” He looked up at me from the bed and sat up to face me properly. “I am only happy when…”

I did not know how to respond to him. His face changed again, back to that melancholy that we were all used to. “What would make you happy?”

“Something that I cannot have.”

“What is that sir?”

“I would like to hold someone close and know they will never leave me.” He waited anxiously for me reply, avoiding my gaze.

“As you wish.”

He shook his head slowly as I nodded, rising from my spot next to his bed. I climbed in next to him and he cautiously wrapped his arms around me, tenderly touching me as if I might break under his strong hands. I drifted off to sleep like that and when I woke up, he was still there.

That was how the days went by. I woke him, I dressed him and he laughed at me like always. His laugh was rare in these halls but I was blessed with the sound every day. I opened the curtains to let the light in while he ate. We would go out in the cold to wander around for hours and return to the warmth of his bedchamber. I ate with him and read to him. Sometimes he played the piano in the drawing room. I sat close to him on his bench watching his fingers move fluidly over the ivory keys.

One evening, as he finished a song, he took my hand and placed it on the keys, pressing my fingers on the right notes to make a little melody. As he hit the last note, he did not let go of me but rather laced his fingers with mine. I keep my gaze on the white and black in front of me and he moved closer. I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

“I would like to kiss you, Philip.”

He brought his fingers my face, caressing me lovingly. The sensation of his lips on my own was hypnotic, like harmony and discord melted together to form the one enigmatic emotion. This was forbidden but neither of us seemed to care. It was only a kiss after all. My eyes fluttered shut, my hands pulling him closer by his waistcoat. He licked my bottom lip, wordlessly begging for more. I opened my lips to let him in, his tongue sliding against mine, his hands gripping my waist and his spirit dancing with mine.

I heard footsteps and he pulled away.

“Please leave, Philip.”

“As you wish.”

I returned to my room, located in the opposite wing of the mansion, feeling almost faint. Night settled in and I undressed, preparing for night’s sleep without him holding me, touching me, loving me.

His bell rang in the middle of the night but it did not wake me; I never fell asleep. Moments later, I found myself stood in front of him once more.

He says, “I would like a bath, Philip.

“As you wish.”

—

With the bath filled with warm water, scented with lavender essence, I began undressing him. He stood still, patiently waiting for me to unclip all his buttons of his night shirt. I slid his shirt off to reveal the perfect skin underneath. His chest rose and fell steadily, only catching when I reached for his belt buckle. I paused for a moment to look up at him and he reached out for my clothing too. His hand fell to my hips and he held me. Nothing was uttered for a moment.

“Is this okay?”

I nodded and let him continue to strip me. I fidgeted under his touch, I was not used to this like he was. I had never had anyone else touch me that way but I could not have been happier to have him do it. In moments, I stood before him completely bare as he undressed himself. He then stepped into the tub and took my hand, silently asking me to join him. I stepped in after him, sitting in the space between his legs.

The room was dark, only lit by the small chandelier above the bath. He sat up behind me and held me flush against him with his arms. He kissed the nape of my neck as his hands moved all over me. I felt his lips move across my shoulders towards my neck and I tilted my head to allow him to do so. “I would like to… Philip?”

I nodded and he turned my head so I faced him. His lips glide over mine, they were wet, warm and ever so soft. He captured my bottom lip between his, causing me to lose my breath. I invited him in, kissing him back, battling for dominance. He let me win, settling back into the bath as I turned over without even breaking the kiss. The water surrounded us. I pushed my body against his, eliciting a low sound from his throat. His hands found my waist and they glided all over my back, finally reaching my bottom.

His hand disappeared into the water, under my body and I felt him grasp me. His other hand pulled me down, closer to his face where he gently took me into a kiss. With his tongue exploring my mouth and his hand stroking my length, it was hard for me to figure out what was happening. I knew he must have been feeling the same way I was, aroused and frustrated without any one touching him. I followed his lead and moved my hand down his body to touch his member. He hummed into the kiss as I began moving my fingers up and down. He moved his thumb across my tip and I cried out, breaking the kiss.

“Quiet,” he said smiling. “We don’t need Mary coming in and checking in on us.”

I nodded, happy that he was being so jovial about this. His hot wet body bucked up slightly into mine as he swiped his finger across the tip again, sending a shock through my body. I did the same in retaliation and he smiled then bit his lip. I felt my cheeks redden in provocation. The room was getting much too hot and the water was not helping.

“The bed, sir?” I pleaded breathlessly.

“As you wish, Philip.”

I stepped out of the bath, getting water everywhere but not caring at all. He followed, grabbed the towel from the rack by the bath and wrapped it around me. Before I knew it, I was picked up placed gently on the bed. The lamps in the room burning softly and his wet skin glistened under their light.

He climbed on top of me, unwrapping me from the towel and pushed his body against mine. I felt his hardness on my thigh and knew I was in the same state. He put his hands on my waist and leaned down to kiss me. It felt like we had kissed a million times before, it felt natural, comfortable. He pulled away and made a trail of kisses down my chin, then my neck. His body laid heavy on mine, he was hot, still slick from the bath water. God, he smelled amazing.

“I love you,” I heard him murmur against my skin.

“Sir, we mustn’t. This is immoral. We can’t,” I whispered into the chilled winter air.

“Do you love me, Philip?”

“Yes, more than anything. More than anything.”

“Then let me love you.”

I smiled. “As you wish.”

—-

He slid down the bed and opened my legs. He looked at me intensely before licking from base all the way to the tip of my length. I scrunched my eyes shut and grabbed the sheets. His lips hovered over me, his breath teasing. I lifted my hips to urge him on. I was not sure what I wanted from him. I only knew I wanted more. He started sucking on me, making little noises as he did so. He stopped for a second to tell me to, ‘watch him’ and I obeyed. When I looked down, he took me all the way into his mouth slowly. Although he was slow going down, he moved his tongue around me quickly causing me to buck upwards. He welcomed me further in holding my hips off the bed and sucking me even harder. I felt a familiar pull in my groin and cried out for him to stop. “Daniel, stop please!”

“What? Have I harmed you?” he asked me uneasily.

“No. I was—I was going to…” I trailed off.

“That is supposed to happen. I want to make you feel good, love.”

“But…”

“Phil, I would like to make love to you.”

I nodded. “As you wish.”

He moved up the bed and hovered right over me. His hand wrapped my member and pumped a few times before he slid himself on me. I was not expecting that at all. I moaned and whimpered at the tight wet heat surrounding me as he bottomed out. His face was scrunched in displeasure and possibly pain but he soon let out a breath and leaned forward kissing my collarbones and my neck. My hands were still bunching the sheets so he asked me to relax. Soon he moved upwards, lifting himself off me but only to the tip and came back down agonizingly slow, allowing me to fill him up. He kissed me again, this time deeper while at the same time moving his body in a grinding motion slowly but speeding up gradually.

He started moving so fast that I was lost in pleasure. I had never felt anything like this before, his walls tightening around me and his still wet body moving against mine.

“Touch me please,” he whimpered. I shook my head out of pure confusion. While still moving on top of me, he reached for my hand and opened my palm and wrapped it around his length. I nodded in understanding and pumped him whilst he bounced on me. He bit his lip, so much that I thought he would bleed. “You feel so good,” he praised me.

“Daniel, I think I am going to…”

“Wait for me, please. I beg you.”

I gripped the sheets harder with one hand as I stroked him even faster that before so that he could release before me. As I approached my peak, I pumped him faster still and then I hear the most beautiful sound in the world. He cried,  _“Philip!”_  and his body tensed up, tightening around me, pushing me over the edge. He was still moving on me as he sprayed me all over with white and I did the same within him. He slowed to a stop and kissed me, open mouthed and woozily. I tried to kiss him back but I quickly fell into slumber.

I awoke the next morning with him kissing me all over my neck and shoulders. “Wake up,” he said. “Wake up!”

I turned over to see him still completely naked behind me, smiling. He caressed my body and pulled me closer. “Sorry, sir—Dan. Would you like your tea now?”

“No,” he smiled.

“Would you like some toast or porridge?” I asked getting out of bed to perform my duties for the day. He pulled me back into his embrace, turned me towards him and whispered, “No, I would like to lay here for all of eternity with you.”

“But—“

“No, you’ll do as I say,” he laughed.

“As you wish, my lord. As you wish.”

———

After that fateful night, I had never left his side. Wherever he went, I went. People talked. The other servants grew jealous that he was treating me well, allowing me a room on the top level of the manor, right next to his. His only response was he needed me close to him. He was tired of using the bells. They accepted his answer with disdain but respect. Lord Daniel Howell was not a man to be played with, that is, unless you knew where he was ticklish like I did.

War broke out in South Africa and a draft was called but I never saw the battlefield, he made sure of it. He even bought a home for my family out of pure kindness. He always saw how worried I became after a visit to see them.

Today, he is not quite himself. He sleeps for long stretches at a time. The doctor said there was nothing to be done but wait for him to fade away. I still sit in the chair by his bed and read him to sleep. I still fetch his meals when the time comes and I still stand by the window in the morning to look out onto his mother’s garden. Some days, I feel that he does not remember the significance of the place where we too fell in love like his mother and father. I think he likes the peace of it all.

Daniel wakes up to find me still holding his hand and he asks worriedly, "Who are you?”

“Philip, my lord.”

Daniel opens his eyes wider and cries, “I missed you! Where did you go? Why did you leave me?”

“I have always been here, sir. You’ve forgotten me again.”

“I did not forget you. And call me Daniel! You are not my servant.”

He always said that. The things I did for him, he always said were out of love and he always did the same for me.  

I smile and pecked him on the lips to rid him of his pout. "As you wish, Daniel” I tell him. “I love you.”

Daniel steadily brings his hand to my face and holds me in place, as if trying to memorize every last feature, running his fingers over my warm skin.

“I love you, too. Kiss me.”

I laugh at his demand and simply reply, “As you wish.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [danni-howell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
